Why I Paint

To explain why I started painting, I’ll begin a handful of years before I even thought of pursuing it. In my second year of college, I discovered a passion for cinema (that remains to this day). Separate from my studies, I began making short films soon after changing my major to cinema. As I took more film classes, I found an interest and knack for academics and theory. It wasn't long before I started sitting in on graduate level courses to supplement my readings and lectures and started writing extra papers outside of my courses. I still have an incredible interest and drive to understand how and why people watch or consume media, the impact it has on the viewer or consumer, and how artists provoke emotional responses from their audience.

At the same time, I had slowly built up to what would become a life defining mental health crisis - one I was lucky to come out of relatively unscathed. Coming out of my struggles, I knew that in order to be better, I would have to be different, so I began to challenge my own perspectives, thoughts, and feelings, in hopes of better understanding myself and how to grow in a way that I wanted. While I was doing this, I continued to write about theory and cinema, but I often found myself needing breaks as I pushed myself to navigate challenging theory concepts. After trying a few different kinds of creative exercises to help overcome depressive bouts and writer's block, I tried painting - specifically as a way to try to express something without using words. And then I tried painting in a more tactile fashion (with my hands), so I could literally and metaphorically feel what I was trying to express - to capture the emotional truth of the expression, and it worked. I completed a few pieces before even showing anyone because I had thought of the painting as an exercise for myself, but within a few months, people began asking how much the paintings sold for (something I didn't expect or know how to answer).

As I was in the habit of constant reflection, I asked myself if painting was just an exercise or if it was exploring something I simply couldn't reach with my writing. I began to push myself while painting in the same way I pushed myself while writing. But it was what I saw in people when they felt connected to my work that changed what painting meant to me - a relatable connection that they too couldn't put into words, but could clearly experience. This isn't why I first began painting, but it is why I continue to paint.